Today I did a 7 1/2 hour shift at a pharmaceutical factory starting at 6am.  I was hesitating about writing about this as I feel an element of shame and embarrassment about a musician of my level of skill, knowledge, training and experience doing a day's work at minimum wage.  It's not all fancy shoes and pretty dresses!  I know that I'm not alone with this dilemma and it's a sad state of affairs for which I have no long term solution as yet.  This evening I learnt that another talented fellow musician has been laid off his teaching job of 20 years, and he has a family to support!  (marklansom.com) These are times of despair.  As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I have tried countless means of finding work as a harpist, with no significant success as I just haven't got adequate funding for advertising and there are so many ways to spend a lot of money very quickly and get nowhere - you've got to speculate to accumulate and all that, but my "speculant" is minimal!  

So finally this week, I explored something I'd been putting off due to fear and other preoccupations since the beginning of the year.  I did an induction for temporary work.  I did my homework, and this morning I arrived on time, well, early, after a fitful sleep, donned the fetching overalls, hairnet and hideously uncomfortable shoes, and washed my hands more times than a harpist should do without jeopardising those hard earned callouses.   The start of my shift was slightly chaotic - I was to stack packs of 6 boxes of a product called Care and in a specific pattern.  With my medium level OCD and perfectionism, it took me about half an hour to get my head round this, and I remember a moment of sheer panic as the production line started backing up and they had to pause the machinery - can you imagine getting fired on my first day and letting my colleagues (3 lovely helpful men) down?!!  No way!  After almost 3 hours, it was time for the first break.  I seemed to have calmed down a bit after this, so much information to take in, and after the second break I had found an efficient pace.  I started to find the work almost meditative, and most of the time I had music running through my head, a beautiful and comforting feeling.  The last part of my shift was under an hour long and I admit I was reluctant to leave my pallet unfinished.  After work, as I arrived at the mechanic's garage to resolve a small problem with my car, my phone went - the agency asking if I will do another shift Monday: so they didn't fire me!  Visiting my mechanic always cheers me up, they don't advertise, they have no website, they don't even have a sign!  It's all by word of mouth and because they're so good at what they do they're always rammed.

I have experienced a trend lately of last minute orchestral work offers and performances with reduced rehearsal time.  I realised that in taking on this work, I was putting my health at risk - my nerves were frayed due to the lack of familiarity with the pieces that one gets with adequate rehearsal time.  I know that some harpists relish that challenge, not me.  I like to get things right, ideally to the point where the music feels part of me - it takes me a bit longer and I'm ok with that.  If that makes me less employable doing the work for which I have so much love and passion, I have a choice - either I learn to practice faster and less indulgently (it's always a possibility!) and live with imperfection, or do something else.

Tonight my shoulders, hands and head ache, so after Pilates and meditation I'm having a rest full evening.  This weekend I have vowed to do as much practice as I can fit in along with the other practical business stuff, which will take second place, and I will find something to look forward to.  Taking on this temp work has made me appreciate the harp so much more, and it is very reassuring to have this work to fall back on in leaner times.  I am determined to find a way that I can make the harp my primary source of income again, it's just a question of time and finding the right path.  And having fun exploring!  Most of the time I am an optimist, a fighter not a quitter, and I do burn very brightly!  It's important to note that this isn't a pity party post, and I have learnt so much through the process of writing it out loud.  Who reads my blog anyway?!!  And if this helps bring traffic to my website, YIPPEE!!!