I realised this morning I wasn't feeling quite right.  I haven't written for a while and my thoughts felt a bit blocked up - I'm back!  The weekend was full on in a good way and Monday was a bit of a rollercoaster.  Sat in my sunny yard yesterday evening in contemplative contentment with Llwyd and a cup of tea, I felt at last I was "getting there".  I often think busyness is a way of avoiding something.  I also felt I had a lot to sort out in my house, my head and my heart before moving on in this transition phase in my life.  I looked at the chaos around me, reflecting the events of the last month and felt I'd scarcely had a moment to just let my thoughts come and go apart from my routine of meditation, Pilates and pool activities.  I started to reenact some of the experiences I'd had.  

I had a great time at the fair organised by Wedding Fayres Yorkshire at the Holiday Inn Garforth.  It was lovely to meet another two members of their like-minded genuine caring team and I was so well looked after.  Nothing was too much trouble and I'm really looking forward to working with them again at some fairs after Summer.  I had some interest from a bride having a church ceremony next year - I do hope she books as I love playing in church.  I got chatting with a lovely guest at the hotel who said he was going to make me famous!  He was over from Australia looking for his long lost brother, and having recently celebrated his 80th birthday and 57 years of marriage, he had some fascinating tales.  His health concerns gave an urgency to his quest, as did his 48 hour deadline for finding his brother before his return down under.  If you're reading this David, do let me know!  I got talking with a mature couple who had been married 55 years and clearly still had that cheeky spark, gorgeous to witness that and it renewed my faith.  I dedicated a new tune I wanted to try out to them.  They were never going to book me and it didn't matter!  It was great to be out playing and sharing my music.

I am becoming something of an iron maiden with my current four hour sleep quota, and Monday morning was no exception ahead of our debut trio performance at Leeds University.  The concert was our flutist Jo's final recital and I was unpleasantly surprised at my gut reaction on seeing two examiners sat behind their desk.  It's been a while since I felt this kind of scrutiny but it soon passed as I remembered I wasn't the one under the microscope.  I felt slightly unsettled all morning and throughout the performance.  It was freezing in there and my hands just refused to warm up.  Due to time constraints we hadn't actually performed the programme in public in its entirety and could scarcely get through it in our last two rehearsals without needing to stop and analyse and tweak, especially in Debussy's monumentally complex Sonata.  Jo's husband David had lovingly and laboriously made an interesting arrangement of the viola part for bassoon and I admit I found it hard to get used to hearing the string element played on another wind instrument.  I'm still digesting the experience and watching the online streaming will help.  Anyway, Jo did herself proud and she seemed pleased and that's the main thing.  It was a tiring and challenging programme and I haven't played chamber music for quite a while.  We have to start somewhere.  We could have played for some concert organisers but we wouldn't even have received travelling expenses.  Chamber music is an indulgent luxury that very sadly doesn't pay the mortgage.  We have another performance in October and I'm looking forward to assessing our project with a different audience in a less formal setting and with the addition of a piece written originally for our instrumental combination.

After my sculptural jolly on Tuesday, I got to grips with my jungle-like garden and realised with mild horror when I walked into my pungent sweaty shed that I'd forgotten to take the entire contents of my garden to the tip from my last horticultural cull about 10 days ago.  Whoops!  Zooming round my lawn, I took in the annual display of peony show-offs while they brazenly flaunted their unruly pastel peony heads and wafted their delicately alluring perfume.  I really think they're my favourite flowers.  The bees were having their wicked way with my geraniums and I felt slightly holier than thou as I left the blessed dandelions well alone.  After having my tree pruned last year, I felt some excitement as I spotted the promising nubbly nuggets of fruit on high - what tree will it be?  The sense of satisfaction I felt at 8pm when I completed the task I'd set myself as I sat on my back step absorbing the swift screeches brought that sense of peace I was craving.  I love a bit of gardening although getting that job done took me nearer the mounting pile of tedious admin I'd been finding every excuse to avoid.

Aquafit was AMAZING yesterday afternoon!  I went at the unusual time of 2pm and impatiently joined my pool sisters and brother as we queued with eager anticipation to get in while the other class finished.  There was something about the class yesterday.  I chatted with two ladies, one of whom had recently had her second hip replacement and was pain free, I reckon down to Aquafit.  I wish I could get Mum to overcome her dislike of water.  I've seen women leave their canes along with their towels and shampoo bottles and their bodies take on new life as they're supported by the gentle waves and their joints are anointed.   I vigorously punch kicked the water to the left then the right to the strains of Jamiroquai (this is Holmfirth) and 1-2-3 shook my body down as we revelled in the physical expression.  I was glad I'd been to the loo before diving in as I attempted to sink the float I was ordered to sit on, and cackled along with my poolmates as we exchanged looks of bemused frustration as the floats disobediently popped up.  The reflection of the sun's rays on the water through the obscured glass completed my spiritual sporting experience.  The pleasantly painful stiffness in the lower half of my body and shoulders this morning is an indication that it's a damn fine workout.  My posture is infinitely better and I'm developing a core with my four and a half pack.

As I sit here in my attic I'm feeling reassured that my energy and focus is shifting back to the harp and music again.  I can't wait to uncover my harp and reveal its vibrant wooden beauty once I've addressed this morning's chores and I'm looking forward to my online quest for new dots on the list I've been keeping since the end of last year.  Watch this space...