I recently got back from tonight’s concert and a long day rehearsing in Ripon. The piece was Britten’s War Requiem which I mentioned a few posts back. I didn’t play very well. I feel out of sync with everything and I’m sure that’s how my playing sounded. I hate feeling like that. There was one pedalling section I was dreading which seemed to have worsened since the rehearsal. I got out with the others and got back on track a few bars later. I think what I need to focus on is right there in that sentence. I managed to recover and play most of the piece to a decent standard for a first attempt. Those who know me will know I have very high standards for myself. I pride myself on being super prepared especially for a concert of this nature, but I seem to have spent this season chasing my tail. I had to resort to playing quite loud music in the car on the way home to try and drown out the negativity. I do keep saying it though - my orchestral days are numbered. I’m just not enjoying it anymore, and I’m tired. So exhausted. That’s difficult to write - my passion for a very long time has been orchestral playing, and I almost felt that passion again once this season. Almost. Once.
Ripon looked poignantly beautiful festooned with poppies in all guises. Ceramic, fabric, paper, plastic, you name it. Walking up the path from the changing facilities, the cathedral was bathed in red light which gave it an eerie blooded quality. Seeing the crowds of people from far and wide congregated in silence to pay their respects outside the cathedral was breathtaking and humbling and there were some amazing installations in and around the building. I caught a glimpse of the thought provoking Fields of Mud, Seeds of Hope earth sculpture. At the end of the day what I need to remember is the reason I was in Ripon tonight. Remembrance. Would all those who made such unthinkable agonising sacrifices a hundred years ago have minded my pedal mishap? I doubt it. Maybe even conscientious objector Britten would have been having a laugh about it.