Huddersfield Town Hall Wedding Evening

I'm quite excited about playing at the Huddersfield Town Hall wedding evening.  The event was supposed to take place in March but unfortunately snow stopped play, so I was delighted to get an email from the organiser last week confirming the event is going ahead.  I love Huddersfield Town Hall - it looks fantastic when it's done out for weddings and it feels quite special to be playing at this stunning historic local venue.  I have quite a history with it having performed at many concerts and recordings there over the years.

One of the stunning rooms at Huddersfield Town Hall

So if you're in town tomorrow evening and you'd like a chat about harp music for your event, come in and say hello!

Result!

I know why baking has become so important to me recently.  It's all about the process and my love of it and it's a great stress reliever.  It all starts with the idea.  Then the planning and shopping for ingredients.  Next is preparation and assembly.  And finally, here is the end result of yesterday's endeavours:

Ta daaaa!  Ambery perfection.

About half way through the cooking time, the aroma wafting through my kitchen was tantalisingly irresistible.  Cooking satisfies my senses and I'm not sure why I let baking slip over the past year.  At one time I used to bake every Sunday.  It demands time and effort for sure.  Since I lived with a French family in Lyon, all I had to think about was the harp and my studies - I didn't have to do the cleaning, cooking and gardening and worry about paying the bills.  Towards the end of my studies, before I got my job in Cape Town, I was practicing for 6-7 hours a day - good times!!  In Lyon, cooking was like breathing.  My legendary teacher Germaine was another fine cook and gourmand and her passion for food was on a par with her passion for music and for life.  After my four years studying in Manchester and becoming independent and able to take care of myself, or so I thought, moving to France was a real eye opener.  How green I was!  I thought I knew how to play the harp and how to cook - I had a lot to learn!   I remember clearly learning to separate eggs and the fascination I felt at discovering you could beat them into a foamy amalgamation to be incorporated into all sorts of culinary delights.

There is an air of nostalgia about my baking - I have been using this foolproof recipe for over 20 years and it's a crowd pleaser.  I love how it has only 4 ingredients.  I enjoyed 2 pieces yesterday and it felt a whole lot better than trashy chocolate...

Stiff snowy peaks - "battre les blancs en neige"

In the tin

Out of the oven

Mmmmmm

Feline groovy...

Those who know me will know how much I love my cat and how important she is for my sanity - we have the best conversations and she is utterly non-judgmental.  She doesn't bark either and she thoughtfully does her business in other people's gardens (sorry neighbours!) and I in return have other cats decorate my garden - it's called karma.  Yesterday we did one of our favourite things we do when the weather is good - we took a stroll round the block.  I know she loves it - her tail curls up in an umbrella handle shape, and her voice goes all funny.  Yesterday this other cat tried to take her on WHILE I WAS WITH HER!!  Idiot!  It didn't stand a chance.  It was a very happy highlight of my day - I noticed the trees are lush and bountiful and the peonies' promisingly tight buds are prominent and my favourite time of year is upon us.

This year I have been experimenting with all sorts of new ideas around developing my business and the big one I need to tackle is video and audio, so as I sat in my garden in the sun brainstorming about my week, I decided to have a go.  I won't win any videography prizes - it's a bit of fun but isn't she gorgeous?!!  Just how much entertainment can you get out of a blade of grass?  And now, if this works, I have a Youtube channel...

A recent purchase - happy socks!  Well, she is part of my brand after all

Putting myself out there

I had a lovely busy relaxing day yesterday and this morning my batteries feel recharged again.  Good job as I have a long to do list to set me up for next week's busyness.  

As I take stock this morning ahead of my harp week, I still can't quite believe my success or failure as a harpist depends on my networking skills and my ability to appear high up on search engines!  My new website has been up and running for 9 months or so (so it's already old I suppose) and it's only this week that I started appearing in the godmother of all search engines.  I am guessing that's down to blogging?  So I'm going to keep going with that as I do like to express myself through the written word.  

I don't like game playing and often that's what this business feels like.  In my research I noticed several harpists whose names came up first.  At the risk of sounding unprofessional, I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole.  Yet they have keenly honed marketing skills and I can see how easy it would be to fall for them.  Unless people meet me, hear me and see me play, I don't think I stand a chance.

I have decided I'm not willing to pay to play at wedding fairs for the time being.  Considering my wedding and background music fees and following my experience at recent fairs, the return just isn't worth it at the moment and, truth be told, I feel slightly resentful about paying to go to work on top of travelling time and expenses.  I always get positive reactions from prospective clients and suppliers when I play at fairs, so come on organisers - invite your skilled and highly trained musicians to give your fair a touch of class with beautiful live music, and maybe even consider paying their travelling costs!  I feel comfortable that my prices are fair and affordable for the high quality level of service I offer - if you book me you get 100% (probably more actually!) and I only do one wedding a day - I would self-destruct if I did more than one job!  I'm happy to invest in my business if it leads to more harp work for me, and that's a challenge.  It's about knowing my worth, keeping my integrity and sticking to my guns, and eventually the right doors will open if they're meant to.

I am now comfortably nestled in my attic as I type this post, and yesterday I heard a cuckoo in the woods nearby.  As I looked up just now, a duck flew busily overhead.  After a draining week, I faithfully did my Pilates last night and finally my exercise routine is paying off.  I felt stronger in my core and legs for the first time ever.  Being in this space again and imagining my bathtub under the stars fills me with excitement and hope, and I plan to resume my blissful bedroom project before I need a stair lift!!!  Right, I'm off to bake a cake.  It's my French landlady's recipe and is the most amazing cake - it's like eating a cloud...

The inspiring view from my writing desk .  Yes, 5 Velux windows in my customary spirit of generosity and abundance (7 would've been a REALLY good number...)

Flow and Balance

Yesterday was a good day and the networking meeting was fun!  I felt comfortable which is a good sign - it's all about meeting the right people for the right reasons.  I've never been one for commercialisation and I'm trying to make the whole experience manageable for me.  I had a few emails to deal with afterwards and then some playing work came in for next week as well as a rescheduled wedding fair (March snow) and all this has now shaped the end of this week and next.  I did a 6am shift today and have accepted another one for tomorrow which puts me in good stead for a focused harp week next week - I have rehearsals and 2 performances.  This is all trial and error and about finding some sort of sustainable general balance.  It's GREAT to have the shift work to fall back on and I am enjoying it more and more!  Today I was on a lovely line with small brown bottles which I had to unpack while checking for any breakages, and lay them on a rotating stainless steel surface which gently eased the bottles onto a conveyor belt one by one.  I started somewhat clumsily with 4 bottles, and soon I was moving 10 bottles at once.  (Update 11/5 - today I was greedily managing up to 15 at a time and no breakages - go me).  On my first day at the factory I felt overwhelmed by the whole experience, it really was sensory overload.  A fortnight and 6 shifts later I noticed a significant improvement.  The previously oppressive pulsating throb of the machinery sounded like a hypnotically rhythmic heartbeat this morning.

I know I'm in the throes of a phase of transformation in my life.  Lately I have felt the lure of a regular job.  Yikes!  There's something very attractive about the financial security and routine of a "proper job" involving a 10 minute drive down the road during quiet driving times, and the thought of a weekend off after a busy week is a strong motivation.  I also get a pension!  It satisfies some of the loneliness that comes with freelancing - at the factory I'm surrounded by people.  But, who am I kidding?!!  I love the freedom of freelancing too much!  And what would I do without the harp and music?  I think I'm slightly delusional so time for an early night, 3 hours sleep isn't ideal and has been the norm over the past fortnight...

HSP (Highly Sensitive People)

While hanging out with my lovely tribe of ladies lately, I was made aware of a phenomenon (condition?  I don't like either word) I didn't know about that affects 15 - 20% of us - HSP.  As we headed out for dinner at the local pub, the plan changed and suddenly I wasn't driving anymore.  My brain just froze.  It wasn't a panic attack.  I had to go back into my room for a few minutes to reset my brain.  I started feeling bad that I was going to ruin everyone's evening.  This wasn't the case of course and the walk down to the pub was fine and how we laughed about it, but at the time it really felt like the bottom of my universe was falling out.  This weekend was a big deal for me as it was my first social outing for quite some time - more about this below.

After being pointed in the right direction I have done some research and read about HSP and I'm gradually learning better ways of managing it.  New experiences can be difficult and it takes me a lot of mental preparation, and if you read my former blog posts, I have been pushing myself in a controlled fashion since the beginning of the year, since I stopped drinking.  Yes, you read that right - I had my last drink on 1st January 2018.

Being a HSP just means I'm more intensely attuned to the environment around me.  I can come across as aloof, but nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm just constantly assessing the risk factors of the situation in minute detail for each and every possible danger.  I often find it difficult to communicate what's going on for me - my brain is working at lightning speed and my thoughts and ideas come up in a huge jumble that can be hard to organise.  I don't fight that anymore and try to let my thoughts flow into coherence, which they do more and more quickly if I let them.  Am I a control freak?  No, I'm just instinctively keeping me and my tribe safe.  Apparently I'm an asset!  Occasionally I get overwhelmed and I realised this is why I drank - I was using alcohol to numb thoughts and feelings as I didn't know how to handle them.  Alcohol became a negative crutch.  I need lots of time alone especially when I go into meltdown (or brain freeze as I now call it), and probably more sleep than average.  

HSP's are hard working to a fault with burn out being a common unwanted side effect.  It makes finding work challenging since as well as being a HSP, I'm a perfectionist to boot.  I have coping strategies like fastidious time keeping and visualisation which help me stay grounded and manage myself.  I am slow - no, let me reframe that, I'm thorough, and it takes me longer to complete tasks.  But you know what?  The end result is pretty damned impressive if I say so myself.  In so many ways, it makes music the ideal career choice under the right circumstances.

I knew from a young age I wasn't quite like the others. I didn't get the "right" answers at school.  I am quirky.  I don't feel quite right if I eat that chocolate dessert with anything other than a small teaspoon.  Sounds and noises are amplified - that pen-clicking, dog barking and those sirens mean I find it hard to focus on what I'm meant to focus on.  While my sister's homework thrived as she listened to loud music, I had to have complete silence.  I find routines and habits reassuring and I like sticking to the same shops and routes, although I'm getting better at testing my boundaries without the toxic bandage alcohol provided.  As for being the single woman living with a cat, why would I share my living space with anyone except a very special person with a great deal of understanding?  Not everyone gets me and I'm ok with that.

If I'd posted this blog post in its original draft form, you might have thought I was crazy.  That's why I'm enjoying and sticking to blogging, it's a great way for me to organise my thoughts and get them down in black and white while improving the health of my business.  Most importantly I've found that writing as though I'm writing to my closest friends allows me to write as myself, not as a person who is keen to find work!  And if you identify with some of what I've written above, let me know - there's no reason to hide it and it will confirm why we get each other!

Bank Holiday Malaise

I had a very restless night and finally got up just after 5 this morning.  I've spent most of my day so far decluttering.  This was the second or third bout of "lifestyle reorganisation" since December and I'd say I've made a small to medium dent in it.  I used the uprising feelings of annoyance and irritation at myself for being such a hoarder to finally let go of something I wanted to cling onto with dear life - a pair of black concert trousers I've had for about 16 years.  They look like they're 16 years old and shouldn't be anywhere near a performance space, and these are the lengths I had to go to to prevent myself from salvaging them from the bin yet again:

Those ill-fated trousers - chop chop...

Creativity 2 - having my cake and eating it

My cake baking process started by shelling 350g pistachios.  As enjoyable as it was, it is a labour of love, and that's what cooking is.  As I had quite a lot to do today, the process went on and off all day.  Baking had been on my mind since last week so I knew I had to listen to that voice.  I carefully measured out my ingredients, zested and squeezed my lemons, greased my tin and separated 4 eggs.  Finally I had a fragrant pale green speckled batter to put in the oven.  When the cooking and cooling time was over, I carefully unmoulded my long awaited lovingly cosseted prize, and this happened:

Imperfection

You can imagine my disappointment!  I was reminded why I hadn't baked for quite a while - if it wasn't perfect, what's the point?  How was I going to give THAT to people?  Then I got creative again, I could dot the leftover pistachio halves on top along with a few blueberries, maybe some slices of orange - make a feature out of a **** up and all that.  

As soon as my cake came out of the oven, I threw in some chicken with garlic, honey and lemon, made an orange salad, cooked some asparagus, it was definitely a cook fest and I've got that out of my system for now.  I didn't get my practice done, this felt more important today, a reminder of how many parallels there are between cooking and music - one false pinch and it's ruined, or maybe that's where genius lies, in that extra accidental pinch.  There is also an element of taking care of myself.  As I read the recipe I noticed it was Moroccan influenced and that was when I realised the underlying theme.  A couple of years ago I had a thing about Spain and had to eat Spanish food.  A lot.  For about a month.  Tapas, pimentos, chorizo (how DO you say that?  At the moment I'm saying "chorit-zho" and not "choreeeee-zo") and I experimented with a variety of paella recipes. I listened to Flamenco music and watched Almodovar films.  I needed a holiday.  I couldn't get to Spain so I brought Spain to Yorkshire.  Soon I might make a tagine and get some preserved lemons, harissa, rose water...

Anyway, I just scraped the (best) bits from the bottom of the tin and it tastes absolutely amazing!

Let's get physical!

After reading that title if you're of a similar generation to me, you'll have a song running through your head right now.  With the change in the weather, much of my activity has migrated upstairs into my attic room.  It is probably my favourite room in my house - it's a great space for inspiration and tranquillity.  And Pilates practice - the view is spectacularly calming.  I have had daydreams about how I could get a harp up there...

My pilates and meditation space - a work in progress but I will get there!  I don't think I'll ever be able to have a swimming pool up here though...

I enjoy challenging myself these days, and since last year I have wanted to incorporate swimming or some form of cardio workout into my fitness regime.  There was one condition - it had to be fun.  A fortnight ago I bit the bullet, booked an Aquafit class and went to my local pool one evening.  I sat in my car fretting for 20 minutes after I'd been shown their facilities and I plucked up the courage to dive in.  As I sat poolside before the class began, shivering with anxiety, I found myself comparing the feelings I was experiencing with how I felt before significant musical performances.  Once I got in, the water was fine!  I've always loved the feeling of being in water, that feeling of being held.  It was important to push myself and I used this experience to egg myself on before my first day at the factory last week.  As someone who has never really exercised or understood the benefits of it, if I could get myself into a swimming costume and do a fitness class, surely I could survive a shift?  There's something about flailing around helplessly in water with a group of people, and going back for more and realising I'm getting better and stronger with each class.

Creativity

It's only Thursday and already it's been a long week.  After yesterday's shift with its ups and downs (I feared for my hands on 3 occasions), I feel the need for a creative feed, so in and amongst today's busyness I have planned a baking session.  I love cooking and baking and when I lived in France, I really got into it, and loved the idea of cooking as nurturing not to mention the creative expressive side of it.  My landlady was a fantastic home cook with a strong cookery heritage (her parents owned and ran a charcuterie/traiteur in Lyon) and I had never tasted such deliciousness before I savoured her cooking.  She generously shared her recipes and knowledge with me, except for a few closely guarded family secrets, and weekends were very much based around lengthy family gatherings over food.  I discovered flavours I never knew and most of all the feeling of a loving comforting hug from food that I'd never had before.  Needless to say, I put on 3 stone when I lived in Lyon, finding any excuse  (homesickness was a good one) to dig into that pot of Nutella and sampling the delights of the local patisserie!  I always tried to recreate those flavours which took me to another dimension and I think I'm a good cook, but of course I haven't managed to relive that experience.  

I've just read through the recipe for the cake I'm going to bake and I'm already excited about the process!  I don't know why I feel guilty about making time in my day to do this (I SHOULD be working) and so to appease the guilt I'm going to take half the cake to my mechanic tomorrow, and maybe some to the factory if I'm working.  I've wanted to do this for a long time but never dared to - what if they don't like it, what if they think I'm trying to get out of paying my bill etc etc!!  It's a pistachio and orange cake but I'm going to try it with lemon as I prefer that combination.  I like putting my own spin on things.

This week I've watched a couple of new episodes of Chef's Table on Netflix.  I LOVE this series, it's so beautifully filmed and it captures the essence of what food (and music) is about with an evocative nostalgia.  I don't know why I was reluctant about watching the episode featuring Christina Tosi but it was amazing - crack pie for goodness sake!!  I often get a tear in my eye watching Chef's Table, that tangible passion they have about what they do and the effect their creation has on people.  I feel inspired - time to get my apron on.

My cake will NOT look like this, and that's ok!

Technology - My Way

Like quite a few people I know, I have a love/hate relationship with tech.  I'm an old fashioned girl at heart, and recently bought the metronome below (online of course, I just couldn't find the model I wanted in the shops...) after a metronome app on my phone got on my nerves.  I freak out a bit (sometimes a lot) when the slightest tech thing goes wrong, and at the back of my mind I always have some tech issue that needs to be resolved.

My lovely new old school metronome

What has amazed me over the past year is my resilience and my capacity to learn and change.  See this website - a good friend set it up for me and I've learnt to use it and now I'm able to manage and edit most elements of it.  That's very liberating.  I recently added my logo which I love and am really proud of as it represents me, and I've made some format changes myself and simplified things.  I decided to call my audio and video page See Hear, and I thought it sounded pretentious, what will people think, but it actually says a lot about me.  I've always loved playing on words, if people don't get that, so what?  The thought of writing a blog was completely alien (who gives a ****) but I am making it work for me, and I love journalling, and if this contributes to the health of my harping business, so much the better.

Camac Harps

Passion à la Française!

I have recently rediscovered the video clip below and it reminded me why I chose Camac.  Which other harp makers would have the imagination, creativity and vision to take two prestigious instruments into the jungle?!!  Their website is pretty impressive too: https://www.camac-harps.com/en/

They are my favourite harp makers.  They are fervently passionate about what they do and they're lovely, warm, professional people.  As well as their innovation in producing outstanding harps and pushing the boundaries of harp making, they are so supportive and they care about their harpists - their after sales service is second to none!  One of the many things I love about their harps is that each one has a personality, it's own unique voice, and when I found my harp, I knew immediately - it was love at first pluck!

Me with Camac's lovely knowledgeable head technician Enric after my recent harp service - happy harp = happy harpist!

Industry

Yesterday was my second day of industrial work.  I had a slightly longer shift starting at 1.30pm.  What I love about industrial work:

• Watching the machines and all their intricate working parts
• Seeing the product before and after and being part of the process
• The people
• The routine (clocking in, locker, getting changed) and the reassurance of repetitious activity
• The potential to be as obsessive or creative as I like about how I stack the packs (without breaking the rules of course!)
• The focus and concentration required

What I hate about it:

• The shoes!  I'm told it gets easier after the first week...
• Mopping and cleaning - I don't hate it but it's not as much fun
• The physical discomfort after a shift, although it doesn't last

When it gets tough, as it does on a long shift, I let my imagination loose and I tell myself I'm like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance - yes, I know she was a welder but why did she do the welding job?

Thankfully yesterday I was on the same section in the same factory with the same team and a nice new team leader (last Friday's team leader is off for a fortnight having an operation) producing the same product in smaller doses.  This work reminds me of another important time in my life.  In 2007 after I became stuck in a rut of weddings and peripatetic harp teaching (at one point I had 65 students over 4 days), I gave this life up and went back to the RNCM as a mature student.  The extreme nature of my decision was commented on but I saw no other solution than to rent out my beautiful house in Wales and have my lovely cats fostered to pursue my career as a harpist.  I was generously offered an Oglesby bursary to assist me in my studies and the majority of my work was in Marketing sticking labels on envelopes.  I LOVED it!!  Similarly to the industrial work I'm doing now, it gave me some balance and it was a platform for the next phase in my life.

What I've realised is that I love the freedom and variety of my job.  Today I have a chamber music rehearsal and this evening, Aquafit.  Tomorrow will be different again and I will probably accept another shift if it's offered.  I have entered a new, exciting, and sometimes terrifying phase in my life.  I get very anxious about being away from my harp and not practising - I admit I have only found the time, energy and headspace for 2 hours over the past 10 days...  I wake up in the early hours and my head is burgeoning and bubbling with ideas.  Instead of fighting it and lying there hoping sleep will come, I get up and put that energy to good use and get about my business.  Looking back 6 months to when I was struggling to crawl from under the duvet, I know which life I prefer.

Helpful hand protection - these gloves really work

Happy feet, though nothing can tame the shoes

I've no idea who Karen is but wearing this feels like having a midriff hug all day long.  And yes, it's from my favourite shop

Industrial quantities of industrial strength coffee

Weddings, Fairs and Background Music

Performing at a wedding earlier this year

I love performing at weddings and I feel lucky to be part of a very special day in a couple's lives.  I get to contribute in a way that can be quite visceral, that's what music can do, stop you in your tracks, take you back to a magical time and bring a tear to your eye, and make your heart beat that little bit faster.

I do as many wedding fairs as I can - I have almost always been told how delighted clients are to have found me (the joys of the internet...).  Wedding fairs are hard graft - it is a full day's work and an important one in finding new clients.  I admit I find them challenging as I have to play, talk to people and have the occasional break!  It's quite a balancing act with 47 strings and 7 pedals to manage!

I used to get quite low at fairs especially when future brides and grooms walked straight past me and my beautiful harp, and I know that what I offer won't appeal to everyone.  My strategy now is to enjoy my playing and anyone who is serious about my services will linger until I notice them as I'm so busy concentrating (that frown doesn't mean I'm grumpy!), or contact me after picking up a business card.

I am committed to improving my web presence during the coming months, and you probably won't find me on agency websites.  There are some wonderful agents out there who do it seriously and very well, but I recently heard of an agent who took a fee of over 50%...  We musicians have all been stung by agents who have collected their fee and been left high and dry when the client has cancelled.

So keep typing Rhian Evans Harpist Yorkshire (or a similar combination) into that search engine, and one day...

A Magical Place

I recently spent a morning combining a bit of business with pleasure at one of my favourite inspirational places, Yorkshire Sculpture Park.  It was a busy week and I was feeling a little burnt out and as soon as I see those rolling hills and creaking trees, I always breathe a sigh of relief and my batteries start to recharge.  It's a place of great tranquillity and serenity.  After three brief but meaningful business meetings I headed towards the Chapel, a very special spiritual place where I always find some peace.  A new exhibition has opened recently which I was really looking forward to seeing - Beyond Time by Chiharu Shiota.   I gasped and got goosebumps as I walked in. I could have spent 3 hours in there, her work is so quietly beautiful, fascinating and calming.  I was spellbound.  I don't want to write about it, my words wouldn't do it justice.  I urge you to see for yourselves.  And if you go to the Chapel, please speak quietly!

YSP is a national treasure and I feel so lucky to have it on my doorstep.  I go there for inspiration and to dust off the cobwebs as often as I can.  If you haven't been, I can't emphasise enough what a feast it is for ALL the senses.

Tranquillity

Some words from the exhibition booklet that resonated strongly with where I'm at on my journey 

Temporary Measures

Today I did a 7 1/2 hour shift at a pharmaceutical factory starting at 6am.  I was hesitating about writing about this as I feel an element of shame and embarrassment about a musician of my level of skill, knowledge, training and experience doing a day's work at minimum wage.  It's not all fancy shoes and pretty dresses!  I know that I'm not alone with this dilemma and it's a sad state of affairs for which I have no long term solution as yet.  This evening I learnt that another talented fellow musician has been laid off his teaching job of 20 years, and he has a family to support!  (marklansom.com) These are times of despair.  As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I have tried countless means of finding work as a harpist, with no significant success as I just haven't got adequate funding for advertising and there are so many ways to spend a lot of money very quickly and get nowhere - you've got to speculate to accumulate and all that, but my "speculant" is minimal!  

So finally this week, I explored something I'd been putting off due to fear and other preoccupations since the beginning of the year.  I did an induction for temporary work.  I did my homework, and this morning I arrived on time, well, early, after a fitful sleep, donned the fetching overalls, hairnet and hideously uncomfortable shoes, and washed my hands more times than a harpist should do without jeopardising those hard earned callouses.   The start of my shift was slightly chaotic - I was to stack packs of 6 boxes of a product called Care and in a specific pattern.  With my medium level OCD and perfectionism, it took me about half an hour to get my head round this, and I remember a moment of sheer panic as the production line started backing up and they had to pause the machinery - can you imagine getting fired on my first day and letting my colleagues (3 lovely helpful men) down?!!  No way!  After almost 3 hours, it was time for the first break.  I seemed to have calmed down a bit after this, so much information to take in, and after the second break I had found an efficient pace.  I started to find the work almost meditative, and most of the time I had music running through my head, a beautiful and comforting feeling.  The last part of my shift was under an hour long and I admit I was reluctant to leave my pallet unfinished.  After work, as I arrived at the mechanic's garage to resolve a small problem with my car, my phone went - the agency asking if I will do another shift Monday: so they didn't fire me!  Visiting my mechanic always cheers me up, they don't advertise, they have no website, they don't even have a sign!  It's all by word of mouth and because they're so good at what they do they're always rammed.

I have experienced a trend lately of last minute orchestral work offers and performances with reduced rehearsal time.  I realised that in taking on this work, I was putting my health at risk - my nerves were frayed due to the lack of familiarity with the pieces that one gets with adequate rehearsal time.  I know that some harpists relish that challenge, not me.  I like to get things right, ideally to the point where the music feels part of me - it takes me a bit longer and I'm ok with that.  If that makes me less employable doing the work for which I have so much love and passion, I have a choice - either I learn to practice faster and less indulgently (it's always a possibility!) and live with imperfection, or do something else.

Tonight my shoulders, hands and head ache, so after Pilates and meditation I'm having a rest full evening.  This weekend I have vowed to do as much practice as I can fit in along with the other practical business stuff, which will take second place, and I will find something to look forward to.  Taking on this temp work has made me appreciate the harp so much more, and it is very reassuring to have this work to fall back on in leaner times.  I am determined to find a way that I can make the harp my primary source of income again, it's just a question of time and finding the right path.  And having fun exploring!  Most of the time I am an optimist, a fighter not a quitter, and I do burn very brightly!  It's important to note that this isn't a pity party post, and I have learnt so much through the process of writing it out loud.  Who reads my blog anyway?!!  And if this helps bring traffic to my website, YIPPEE!!!

Clothes!

A very important part of being a performer is clothing and I always try to dress appropriately for any occasion at which I'm playing, whether it's background music for a wedding or an outfit for an orchestral concert.  This isn't as straightforward as it may seem as a harpist!  Add to that the fact that I loathe clothes shopping and lose interest after 20 minutes and it's a potential cocktail for stress.  There are several factors I have to consider, the main one being comfort and ease of movement.  I could spend a considerable amount of money buying smart functional gear, and we musicians aren't generally renowned for our wealth!  I have lately become a huge supporter of a budget high street store that will remain nameless and I visit at every opportunity for a 20 minute trawl.  Due to its affordable prices I am able to experiment with different styles that I wouldn't have considered before.  I am venturing more and more towards colour and pattern.  A recent highlight is the dress pictured, and yes, the price tag says it all.  I'm not sure I can play in it yet (where there's a will there's a way) but at that price I will find an occasion to wear it, though maybe not to go out clubbing!  Book me now to see it "live" (on a harpist with a great sense of humour!)

The fabric is gorgeous and it feels lovely and luxurious

I know, I couldn't believe it either!

Footwork!

Another potential cause for wardrobe stress is footwear.  As some of you may know, the harp has seven (yes, seven!) pedals, each of which needs careful quiet negotiation.  Each pedal has 3 different positions too, which means A LOT of different combinations (maths was never my strength).  All harpists have different tastes in footwear and some even play barefoot.  I have tried this and found it hideously uncomfortable.  Ballet pumps don't do it for me either.  I have a pair of lowish wedge heels that I can pedal in and are comfortable enough to walk in, although not all day, but until now my favourites are 3 inch heels.  I recently bought a pair of black stilettos that have taken me a while to break in both for walking and playing but I really like them.  Standing at a not-so-towering 5'3" I find the additional height gives me a comforting confidence boost when I perform.  I always turn up to rehearse and perform in comfortable walking shoes, and I'm sure people must think "is she really going to play in those?!?"  Much as I have tried, I cannot safely unload and move my harp in heels!  In the before and after photos you can see why my shoes need replacing regularly.

Before (there was clearly a lot of pedalling...)

After (better get practicing!)

Maurice Ravel

One of my favourite composers is Maurice Ravel.  I love his intricately imaginative harmonies and beautiful colours and most especially his evocative scene setting.  Alborada del Gracioso is one of his most stunning big orchestral pieces and it always takes me straight to sunny Spain on a day when the rising heat makes everything quivery.  This week I am lucky enough to be working on two of his pieces, one of which has been a firm favourite since I first performed it at an outdoor concert on a wine farm near Cape Town some twenty years ago, Le Tombeau de Couperin.  Each movement is dedicated to a friend who died in the war, and he was criticised for composing what was referred to as a light-hearted and reflective work rather than a sombre requiem-like suite of pieces.  His reply to this was "The dead are sad enough, in their eternal silence". I love how his music is poignant, emotional and celebratory and I would have been VERY happy to have been his friend!

Ravel writes beautifully and incredibly well for the harp, and he had a deep understanding of the instrument.  Everything just fits and feels comfortable to play and I love his crystalline sound world.  Whenever I read his music I find it reassuring, the familiarity of the print and the size and shape of the notes.

Today would have been my Dad's 86th birthday and I am celebrating him and he will be firmly in my thoughts as I perform Tombeau - he would have loved this piece!

Ravel with harpist Lily Laskine

My imagination's idea of a Tzigane

Harp Therapy

I have spent a lot of time and energy last week trying to generate work.  This is an aspect of freelancing that often goes unnoticed.  I have realised that my micro business doesn't bring in a huge income and if I am to earn a living, I need to do a lot of work away from the harp.  As a self confessed technophobe in this day and age, this brings quite a few challenges.  Last week I tried to sign up with an agency online.  I managed to upload my photos but couldn't for the life of me upload my sound clips.  After half an hour and multiple attempts (and a lot of frustration...) I sent the agency a message explaining my predicament.  I got an automated message saying they will get back to me within 2 weeks.  Everything just takes so much time!

I have invested in all sorts of ways to generate work since June 2017.  I have this new website and publicity photos which I really love, as well as new sound clips - these were great fun to do and I am proud of them!  I have been to early morning business networking meetings, wedding networking meetings, a business conference, I have had social media training, I've attended workshops, met lots of interesting people, played for wedding fayres and wedding events, and I have just started experimenting with video - the list goes on.  There have been good times and times where I just want to shut myself away from the world as creating and maintaining a steady flow of work is so draining and challenging.  The biggest impact has been on my practice.  With all the distractions of these events and social media, my practice time has been reduced dramatically.  This might be something I need to learn but what I have realised is how much I LOVE playing the harp!  It's like an anaesthetic, it's my therapy.  The other thing that has come up a lot is guilt!  Guilt that I'm not out there physically working, guilt that I'm spending too much time doing other things that contribute to the health of my business, like Pilates and aquafit, and guilt that there must be something wrong with me or my playing.

Now please excuse me, I'm starting to feel guilty - it's practice time!

Playing the harp can be very emotional...